you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
