So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
