We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
