That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Randomize
