She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
