Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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