I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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