I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
