last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
as a side note pls kill me
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
