By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
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I feel a five day drunk coming on.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
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she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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