Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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