Did you just see the Batmobile???
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
