I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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