I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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