So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
