Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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