where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
