I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
jump out the window naked night went bad
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