just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
