dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
