When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just sucked dick on a ferry
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
