I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
