you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Congratulations! We have a period
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