Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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