my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
