The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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