my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
