i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
