Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
