well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
