You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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