Princesses don't give blow jobs
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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