In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many bounce houses so little time
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
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