i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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