K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
