I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I am midnight drunk by noon
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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