Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
