Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize