The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
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yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
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We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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