I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
