when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
