Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
