Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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