Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
