I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
