The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
where are my eyebrows?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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