Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Randomize
