Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
