The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
