That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
