I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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