I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I understand Curling. That high.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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