I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize