Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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