It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
