How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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