I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
