He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
