i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Boobs speak an international language.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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