we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
