these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
