I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
