I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
