Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
