A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize