woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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