I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
