I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
