hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
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Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
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Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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