I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
