if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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